i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
