dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
