So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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