Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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