Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize