Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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