New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just invented taco cereal.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
