I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i was born a porn star she said
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
