We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
