where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
