That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
there is glitter all over my balls
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