I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
did i walk over a car last night?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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