i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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