seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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