my mouth tastes like poor choices
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
