im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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