I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
