he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
