I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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