It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
