my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
