Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
