after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
