then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
