you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
