she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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