Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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