my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
