Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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