I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
