I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
