sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
