he thought i was a dude.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
