Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
pray to the hookup gods
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
