cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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