cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
