No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
