i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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