I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
