Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I cannot find my penis.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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