You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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