Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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