Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
