well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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