I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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