I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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