Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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