i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
