You made me cry and you don't even care
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize