we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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