I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize