So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
