I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
