The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
