Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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