So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
