Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Rumble strips road head = magical
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
