So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He better not be in your backpack
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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