If that was your dad, he is hot
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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