dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
