Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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