mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
