Yo dont text me then not text me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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