so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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