Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
