turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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