im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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