i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
