It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Everclear isn't food dammit
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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