She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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